L!v3 f0r +h3 M0m3n+

Our society is built upon dreams, faith, and hope which are all unseen elements. We not only dream at nights, but we wake up every morning hoping to make our dreams a reality. How can we make our dreams magically appear from the labyrinth of our minds into reality? Many believe through faith and hope, dreams can become real.

My only question is, after you accomplish your dream, what other reason is there to continue?

In other words, if you are living for the moment, what do you do after that moment has come and passed. Imagine if you spend your whole life just to get that one moment to shine and you somehow succeed, what do you do next? Do you make more goals to try to accomplish or do you just give up and accept that you lived for that moment?

Too many questions without any answers...

Some questions cannot be answered until you have experienced that moment you were created for. A dream or that perfect moment seems easy enough to accomplish but today's society, in my opinion, sugar coats the perception of living the dream. Society makes our dreams seem like they are easy to obtain, but in reality obtaining a dream has less odds of happening than winning the jack pot for the lottery. Dreams, faith, and hope are just words with meanings.

But what are words with meanings without actions to associate with them?

You, including myself, currently have aspirations to make our dream("the moment") happen and we continue to believe(faith) and work(hope) towards our happiness. We are living our lives for a moment that fuels and motivates us to function and make decisions in order to advance a step closer to what we consider our ultimate goal. After the moment is lived, just like a great story, the climax passes. The climax passes then we have to look towards the resolution and the ending.

Life is often compared to a book but can you conclude the story of your life just to decide its not the ending you wanted...

After you have lived for the moment, how will it all end? This question is what scares me the most of all. After you have lived your dream or lived your moment the only viable option is death because we truly have no other reason to live. That is why we LIVE for the moment because after it has come and passed then your reason to live has come and passed also. My advice to everyone is to make sure your dreams are worth dying for. You only live one life, you have one moment.

Make sure its a memorable one because after your story has ended, you could be left looking at the back cover of either a New York Times bestseller or a fire starter.

No matter the outcome, Live for the moment. Live your Moment...

What Do I Want From Me?!

This is not a rip off of Adam Lambert's, "Whataya Want From Me" but the whole song did inspire my inner conflict. I listened to this song repeatedly for an hour and kept wondering why I loved it so much. I finally figured it out why this song stuck in my head, its because it reminds me of myself.

I may seem happy on the outside, but honestly... I am really in a state of confusion that I can cannot pull myself from this time...

I honestly believe no one can rescue me from myself. My friends, family, and others who generally care about cannot say or do anything to help me or ease this internal pain I am experiencing. The pain I am feeling has nothing to do with actual pain, instead, the pain I am feeling is emptiness. An emptiness that consists of regret and unhappiness with myself and my life. I am free falling and honestly, I do not know if I am going to hit rock bottom or continue to fall even further...

I am at war with myself...

Where did all this root from? I really do not know but I have been thinking about my life and where it has been and where it is going. For starters, my life has been on a never ending ride beginning in reality where everything was normal and real. I traveled from reality to paradise where I had love in my life, I felt fulfillment, and I felt important. All the way to an internal purgatory where I continue to burn myself with doubts and "what ifs".

From reality to happiness to my own internal hell, I experienced alot but still learned nothing...

My life thus far has been filled with experiences ranging from me losing loved ones or almost being a daddy all the way to the moments where I smile just at the thought of being alone. Through everything I have been through, I still learned nothing about myself or the direction I am going. I do not know what I want in life or where I want my life to head so I am continuing to walk this road alone just to see where it all will end. Will I make a difference in this world or will I live the kind of life wondering what could have been?

Maybe one day I will solve the paradoxical question... What Do I Want from Me?

The Known Unknown

Funny title huh? Makes you sit back and wonder what I was thinking. Instead of thinking about what I was thinking, use your math terms and add the negation to that statement...

Now sit back and wonder what I was not thinking...

This kind of thinking will allow you to understand exactly why this blog post will be nothing like those that preceded it. This time, I am going to blow your mind and fuck up your perception of me. Those who think they knew me before, then best believe you are just an inch further to truly understanding me than those who have not met me yet. And for that accomplishment, I congratulate you...

I gave you all an inch but nothing more...

Consider this post my warning for things to come. Everything you have known about me before will become unknown. I will become the known unknown in your lives...

What's In a Name?

A person's name is what defines them and could be considered as a label. But what would happen if a person's name is misread and someone assumes something that is untrue. In other words, what a person's name or let's say their label makes others think they are something they aren't. For example, my real name is Bryant, many people would assume I was a rich, preppy white kid just by reading my label or my name. Another example would be the names Reshard or Reshaun, when most people hear these names the first thought that comes to mind is that this person is of African descent. What if a person's name could mess them up from the beginning when they are popped out their mother's womb until they are old, decrepit and buried 6 feet under? What if what your parent's named you many years ago affects you in a negative way? For example job opportunities or relationships could be altered due to your name. This theory is what I like to call "Name Discrimination."

My personal definition of "Name Discrimination" is when a person is believed or judged to be something or someone different than what they really are based on their name or label. I bet you are wondering where did this come from? This has rooted from me personally being discriminated because of my name and many parents who do not think of the consequences of the name or label they place on their children by giving them ridiculous names.

Most of you who personally knows me, can obviously see I am a black dude, but like I mentioned earlier in this post, my name is Bryant. The name Bryant is either a person's last name or a Caucasian name and I do not fit any of those requirements. In other words, myself and many others are the exception. I have had many job opportunities and usually they assume I am a Caucasian male because of my name. In other words, they read my warning label, my name, and made an assumption that was not true. I cannot say this happened with every job, but I know that 3 jobs I applied for over the years did not hire me because I was black and not Caucasian like my warning label mislead them to believe. Imagine if you were in the employer's chair and you have an application with a person who is named Bradley, you would assume he was Caucasian or an application with the name Monica on it, you would assume they were African American. Most employers are already looking for a specific person to fill job vacancies before conducting interviews so if you do not fit their description, no matter how qualified or over-qualified you are, then you are already not in contention of getting a job. Name discrimination branches out further than just employment opportunities, name discrimination can affect relationships you form also.

Most children when they start school, they are discriminated, because of their name, and labeled as "problem" children before the teacher, principal, or other children's parents have met them. Another example is meeting new people, making new friends, or building an emotional relationship. A person's name is important because without matching a face to the name, then many people we all meet in our lives has no other way to make a connection besides our name. Most of the time, their judgements are inaccurate and they assume we are someone totally different from what our label or name suggests.

Not all instances is "Name Discrimination" a bad thing. Most people would not be given opportunities such as meeting that special someone or job opportunities if their name totally described who they were or the type of person they are. After a name is introduced, then it depends on the owner of the name to step up and give your name meaning and a personality. No matter how horrible the name your parent's gave you, it is up to you to help those who discriminate, or label you because of your name, to change their assumption or judgement of you. This leads me to answer the question, which is the title of this post, What's in a name? The answer is really simple, YOU are what's in a name especially if it's yours to begin with.

2010... What a Year for all of You!

OK the title may sound a little weird but its contents are totally accurate. This year is not half way over and so many people around me have accomplished so much. So much that I really don't the money or simply the time to buy presents or physically say congratulations. So consider this blog post for all of those people I have not spoken to or probably will never speak to again. Also for those people who think I forgot about you and your accomplishments. And finally for those who simply do not like me for reasons that are unknown and more than likely, I don't give a damn about either. But this would not be a blog if I did not individually congratulate certain individuals. So for all those who I will be mentioning later on in this post, just know I love and care for you and I am extremely proud of you and the direction and accomplishments in your life thus far:

First person I wanna congratulate is one of my homeboys, Shondre. Yea it seems weird I am congratulating a person who is going into the armed forces but you have to look at the direction his life was going. Before Shondre started to hang with his big cousins, me and Houey, he stayed in trouble and was always with the wrong crowds. Looking back I feel extremely blessed to have such a huge impact on a person's life. Shondre went from the streets and hanging with people who was or are in prison now to wearing American Eagle, riding in Chargers, and serving our country. If there was such an award for Homeboy of the Year 2010, you should definitely get a nomination.

Next I wanna congratulate all the college students who graduated. There's a few people I am close to or was close to that have accomplished something I am mere months away from doing. This list starts with my sister Jomika, she recently got her Master's degree in education and I truly believe that she will eventually accomplish her goal to being a college professor. Next I want to congratulate Shannon or "Mama Shannon" and Chase for earning their degrees and getting out of college. Shannon is a artist who I believe whose works of art will be influential and impact many people's lives while Chase is striving to be a teacher who makes all other professions possible. One of the most important people in my life graduation from the WU! Jadran, you know I couldn't leave you out. My homeboy Jai graduated an IMC major and I know he will impact the world and reach many audiences with his logical and innovative advertising. Peaches congratulations to you too and I hope you are ready for the path you are embarking on. You are in my prayers. And Ryan, wherever you end up, I know you are going to be doing some major things and making huge moves. Just don't forget about me! Again congratulations to all the college grads.

Now I want to congratulate the High School graduates that I know. Starting with my lil Sister Quiana, have fun at Johnson and Wales and stay out of trouble. Georgio I hope to see you on the wrestling team at Limestone soon. And finally all of class of 2010 and the classes that preceded and will recede that class, good luck and congratulations, BUT y'all will never be on the same level as class of 2006!

Finally I want to congratulate all those I have forgotten. If you accomplished something and you're mad I didn't show you any love, get over it and maybe next time I will get an invitation or a phone call!

I know reading this blog is an AWE moment for some and a total waste of time for others but I had to express my love and appreciation for those who deserve it. But like I stated earlier, I am not too far from accomplishing one of my life's goals which is to graduate from college. Jason and Sam we will be on a different level around this time in 2011! And Johnathan your turn will come in 2013. I love all of you and y'all are all an influential impact on my life. Being able to be friends or family with you all is one of my best accomplishments...

Heart's War

In battle, there are opposing sides that are fighting for reasons that could be similar or totally opposite. But the point is that they are engaged in a fight. Most fights has one side versus the other side. One example is in sports, like Carolina Panthers versus New England Patriots or Los Angeles Lakers versus Charlotte Bobcats. Most examples are external and causes physical harm, but what about internal battles? Most battles that occur internally cause more long term damage than those that are external. One of the oldest wars that everyone will experience is internal and pumps blood all over the body, although blood is essential for living for both humans and vampires, so is the heart's other important function. The heart's other function is to love. The war does not begin when you love somebody or fall in love with somebody, the war begins when it is hard to distinguish luv from love.

Luv?

Besides being spelled funny, this word is powerful and inflicts alot of damage like it's counterpart. Luv, in my honest opinion is another way to say "like" or "lust". I used this word in my younger days when I could have been considered a hoe or player but this word is like the placebo of the actual drug. When someone says they "luv" you then they are unsure or confused or at war within their heart. Or a more real reason to use this word is to get what you want. And what you want may be money, cars, clothes, sex, or what ever tickles your g-spot. When a person says they "luv" you, be careful because they could be treating you like a HOE! No disrespect to anyone who has been fooled by the meaning of this word. I, myself have been fooled and found myself heartbroken and discouraged, but it happens to any and everyone once in their life. Once you experience this feeling, you feel high, anxious, and incredible until you realize that the experience you are feeling is just a momentary rush like caffeine or a 5hr energy shot. This feeling only lasts long enough to allow you to know it effected you in some way. Then you crash and feel neglected and used. Although confusion is a symptom that carries over also, you learn from this mistake, but "luv" comes in different forms, words, and actions. So prepare to be fooled once again until you cross enemy lines and join the other team.

Love?

This is the real deal if you actually feel it and mean it. Many people rank themselves and their relationship as being fueled by this one word. The funny thing about this emotion is that it is rare to come by. For example, I will admit that I have been in love 2 times in my life. The first time with someone who eventually let me down and disappointed me. The other, I am currently happy and really love her more and more as the days go by. This kinda emotion is considered "real" because it not only affects your heart, but other aspects of your well-being is directly affected by this emotion. If you truly are in Love, then you cannot go a moment without the person you share this emotion with. In other words, you cannot eat, sleep, function, or think right without this person by your side or within close contact. I am speaking from past and current experiences. Unlike its counterpart, this drug is highly addictive and not close to a placebo. To lose this emotion in its rawest form can result in malfunctioning. For example, when my first love left my life, i couldn't eat, sleep, play, or think about ever going through that roller coaster ride again. The one emotion that brings limitless happiness and a feeling of wholeness can leave you distraught, confused, and empty. The hardest part is forgetting and living again without that person, but once you achieve that, then you change and become a new person. Your perception of life is altered and you end up finding yourself in pursuit of someone totally different than what you had before. This side of the battlefield hosts many casualties but if you can endure and live to fight another day, then victory is not far from your grasps.

Luv versus Love

The body goes through so many battles daily that when luv or love is presented, then usually most of our guards are already down. When you luv somebody or something, it usually is followed by car, money, sex, a type of food, or what ever excites you physically. In other words, luv is based off a more physical longing or likeness. While love attaches itself with people, hearts, minds, friendships, and emotions. Love is mainly based off of a more internal longing for completeness. Both are emotions that causes a major conflict within the human body. Its a war between what you want or desire versus what you actually need. I used to be on the battlefield trying to figure out who or what I luved or loved and I concluded that I luv earthly objects such as shoes, my car, or my television, while I love rarer objects such as a companionship, friendship, and family. The battle between luv and love dictates lives and affects futures. Like I mentioned earlier, Luv is the placebo while Love is the actual drug and in many wars, the opposing side uses similar tactics which confuses alot of people. Next time you are in conflict within your heart, be sure you are fighting on the right side because you could end up fighting in Heart's War for the rest of your life all alone...

Reaction Retraction

My prior blog post titled, "Personification of 'Steve'" really showed me exactly why everyone, besides myself, needs to blog. Most people who have already caught up to the current year and have started blogging can be a witness to the effect blogging has on the psyche, heart, and soul. Blogging, in my opinion, is a way to vent and let out your frustration, inner feelings, news, or just to pass the time by. My prior blog that I mentioned earlier was a prime example of how blogging is a peaceful way to let loose and to let what cannot be said in the presence of others be written down. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to write whenever I have time to do it. But that's another totally different subject. Again, my blog post titled, "Personification of 'Steve'" was my best post but also considered my worst.

It was my best because I used what i love to do and mixed it with exactly what a blog is used for, which is to speak one's mind. That blog post was raw, uncut, uncensored, and just plain out real. I let my anger out into words, each single letter was my way of fighting. I threw fists with each completed sentence and topped it off with kicks and jabs with each period and double space. But like most fights, there are usually some casualties and in this instance, it was my reasons for writing. This leads to exactly why my prior blog was my worst.

My prior blog post was my worst because I turned something I loved into a mockery of someone. Although blogs can be a peaceful way to vent without getting too physical, some blog's content can be as effective as fighting which, in my opinion, is the same as throwing the first punch. Maybe I was too raw, too uncut, too uncensored or just plain out too real? Or maybe I was angry and the only way I could get my anger out was to write. What I wrote, I wrote out of anger and I could have been a bit rash. I am not apologizing in no way because these feelings came from somewhere and they somehow made it on paper. My prior blog was my best, yet my worst because I played the hero for those scared to speak their true feelings, but I hurt somebody out of revenge.

Honestly, I felt justified for my prior blog post but the more I read it, the more ashamed I became. Shame?! Yes, shame that I used what I loved doing to hurt people. The main reason I got into writing is kind of petty but admirable at the same time. Clark Kent(or Superman) was a reporter/hero who wrote articles and saved lives. I view myself as a protege to his philosophies except I do not have super strength, laser eyes, or faster than a speeding bullet. But what I do have is super strong morals, laser typing skills, and I am faster than a speeding bullet when someone is in need. This really is not a retraction but its my reaction to my actions that made me feel a little bit less Super. But a part of becoming Super is realizing that you aren't Super at all. In fact, becoming Super starts off when you realize that you are human and not mistake free.....Especially when you blog!

The Personification of "Steve"

You all remember when I started my blog and I specifically said that I was gonna blog about some things that would make you love me and some that were gonna make you hate me. Well this is not a blog to make "You" all hate me or despise me, but this is more personal and I am singling out one type of person. Bear with me because I usually do not put my business out where just anyone can see or read, but like i said, this is personal.

First off, I do not mind people using my name or talking about me, that is kinda what haters do. Being a hater is a tough job that doesn't have too many benefits and it does get tough watching someone enough to find stuff to hate on, especially me. Besides that, this specific hater's name will be "Steve". "Steve" did more than hate on me, "Steve" stalked me and someone I care about. The first mistake "Steve" made was including the person I care about in his beef with me. Second, he made something minor and meaningless into something personal. And finally, "Steve" pissed me off.

I know everyone is thinking who exactly is this "Steve"? Well... let's say "Steve" is naive, pale, skinny, nerdy, and stupid. "Steve" not only spends hours on the Internet stalking myself, people I care about, and girls named Samantha, but he spends his hard earned money looking for love on websites like E-harmony and Match.com. The funny thing about "Steve" is that he couldn't buy affection from a girl standing in front of him or on the street corner, not alone on the Internet. But do not feel bad for "Steve", because he finds love in toys like Bionicle and video games like Kingdom Hearts. His love for games and toys has lead him towards the life of solitude and lifelong masturbation. "Steve" has seen better days but not like the days he cried because he said some racists comments at a party or the day the girl he's obsessed over for months dissed him or the days girls who were obviously out of his league and did not even know he was alive tragically broke is boney little heart. "Steve"'s best day came when he finally decided to muster enough courage to stand up to someone, but his best day was not experienced too long because he chose to stand up to me... That's a little bit about "Steve"

I have a personal message for you, "Steve", if you are reading this... Well you stalk me on a daily basis so of course you are reading this. But the best mistake you made was talking about me because I really do not care what you think of me or how much u keep saying how much I have changed. Homeboy maybe your biggest problem with me is that you are envious because, although you have the courage to belittle me behind my back, you still are not brave enough to change your life. Leaving a town or a state or changing your basic surroundings does not compensate for the tragic, despicable life you live. I do not understand you at all, you say you have changed but why do you still wear the same clothes from elementary school? Homeboy, no one wears shorts above the knees unless they have female genitalia. And no one wears Bionicle t-shirts unless they are nerdy and spend nights living in imagination land. Also stop fusing about how your life was ruined by other people. The main thing about your life is that is belongs to you, so its no one Else's fault that your life has not turned out how u wanted it to. Instead of blaming other people, look in the mirror and change yourself. My advice is to stop dressing like a man that shops at baby GAP for Nerds, stop whining and man-up!, stop chasing women that do not want you, and finally do not stalk people's loved ones!

Finally, "Steve" your worst mistake was stalking one of my loved ones, like my girlfriend, and finding out where she lives in correlation to girls named Samantha. Like I been stressing throughout this blog post, I do not care that you stalked me or talked about me, but when you included my girlfriend and her personal information, you crossed a line. You was one of my oldest friends and someone I considered my brother, but I guess you chose to be the rogue and disassociate yourself from me and the type of group I hang with. I hate to think all of this was because of your idiotic, schoolboy obsession over a certain girl. I will say this one time! I do not want her, never wanted her, and probably will not want her anytime soon so you need figure exactly what you have against me. Next time you think about looking at my girlfriend's personal information or anything that deals with her personally come back and read this blog. If that is too hard, you know how to find me in other ways.

That is all for now about my personal message to "Steve".


"Steve" is no one important, actually "Steve" does not exist. He, For the time being, will just be a personification of someone who used to be my best friend a long time ago. Someone who got stupid and brave at the wrong time.

Grand Theft Auto

The title says it all but this post is not going to be about a video game at all. Actually the title is a symbol of how I would like for people in the state of South Carolina to drive. I refrain from insulting this state and narrow the my focus on this little town called Gaffney.

Every morning when I am driving to school I usually go about 5-10 miles over the speed limit just to make it to class on time. Lol maybe my noticeable speeding habit would not be so bad if i would sacrifice those 15mins of extra sleep to actually getting ready for class. But that is way besides the point and also this blog is written by me so I'm not gonna blame myself lol. Anyway, I usually be doing great and my mood is calm until somebody;s grandma, grandpa, cousin, sister, mother, brother, or whoever decides to turn in front of me. The turning in front of me is never the problem, but when they make me break my speed by going 5 miles under the limit results in various effects.

One effect is that I end up late for class! Then like most college professors, if you come creeping in late to their class then they find a smug, smart ass comment just to let you know something that is so obvious. Here is some advice to teachers and professors: We know we are late so quit reminding us.

Another effect is that I cuss and get angry. Most people would consider I need anger management or I have road rage, but I think it is good to let the stress and tension out or it could ruin your whole day.

Finally and most importantly the effect that this person's horrendous driving has on my peaceful chill moment. I'm the type of person who finds driving a major stress reliever and a great time to think about the week, love, finances, family, and life in general. This is usually disrupted by more than like some body's family member who got their license using the Model-T Ford or when all we had was dirt roads.

In conclusion, I chose this title not because someone stole my car or ran from the police using jet packs and helicopters. I chose this title because these horrendous drivers are usually old which in my opinion an old person is deemed as, "grand". Then their driving skills can be considered as, "theft-ing" the road from myself and other drivers who actually do more than eat breakfast then wait on Price is Right to come on. And "auto" is common sense. So I conclude encouraging my generation to get their grandparents, aunt, sister, mother, cousin, niece's mama, or whoever in their that cannot drive worth a damn off the road so I can get to class!

Reset

Over the past 2 maybe 3 weeks, I have been doing alot of erasing and forgetting. In other words, I started to reset my life and the people in it. I know you are thinking wtf, but I felt like that it needed to be done because most of the people in my life are bringing me down or they aren't worth the time or trouble. The resetting process had 3 phases so if you would like to take notes, this is the best time to get your paper and pen...

First, I changed my cell phone number. I have had the same number for about 8 years and changing my number was hard but it had to be done. When I changed my number, I gave the new number out to only the people in my life that were either my friends, family, or people that were important to me. So in other words, if they was a hoe or wasn't worth my time, they got erased from my phonebook and life.

Second, I disassociated myself with people who were negative or was not doing anything with their life. I used to associate with negative people who brought others down along with myself. I got rid of the gossippers, back stabbers, liars, cheaters, and deadbeats. I felt like my life did not have room for these types of people so I erased them. The people who were not doing anything with their life, were the people I reached out to with a helping hand, but they rejected help and even went so far to try to use me. Again, I cannot help people who does not have the desire to help themselves. In other words, if you cannot help yourself, I cannot help you, so they got erased too.

Third, I got rid of the deadbeat friends. Friends that ignore phone calls, texts, email, or any type of reaching out I went out of my way to do, are now and will be considered dead to me. I cannot have people in my life that do not wanna be there so I'm giving up on reaching out. In other words, If you cannot simply send a text, phone call, or keep rejecting invites, then you are not worth keeping. I have friends that ignore me or come up with repeated excuses why they cannot hang out so I'm done trying. There are definitely better people who are worth my efforts. So to all my deadbeat friends, you are erased.

I may seem a lil cold but I had to reset my life and the people in it. This post mainly explains the people in my life that are now dead and gone but getting rid of them is the beginning process of changing myself. For example, I had like 30 girls numbers in my phone who were potential girlfriends or just hoes. I sorted through the names and numbers and now I'm down to 5 numbers. I kept the girls who I believe are good girls or have potential to be good. The process of resetting everything in your life is hard and stressful but starting over and re-doing everything is an experience worth the pain. Right now I have no potential girlfriends or no one to call my own, especially after I erased so many numbers. As a result, I have had alot of time to just sit alone with myself and recollect and re-evaluate my life thus far. In other words, resetting my life has allowed me to re-familiarize with myself. I am gaining an identity and appreciating everything about myself and those around me. My life is reset but I have a feeling that my life is going to be a god life.