2010... What a Year for all of You!

OK the title may sound a little weird but its contents are totally accurate. This year is not half way over and so many people around me have accomplished so much. So much that I really don't the money or simply the time to buy presents or physically say congratulations. So consider this blog post for all of those people I have not spoken to or probably will never speak to again. Also for those people who think I forgot about you and your accomplishments. And finally for those who simply do not like me for reasons that are unknown and more than likely, I don't give a damn about either. But this would not be a blog if I did not individually congratulate certain individuals. So for all those who I will be mentioning later on in this post, just know I love and care for you and I am extremely proud of you and the direction and accomplishments in your life thus far:

First person I wanna congratulate is one of my homeboys, Shondre. Yea it seems weird I am congratulating a person who is going into the armed forces but you have to look at the direction his life was going. Before Shondre started to hang with his big cousins, me and Houey, he stayed in trouble and was always with the wrong crowds. Looking back I feel extremely blessed to have such a huge impact on a person's life. Shondre went from the streets and hanging with people who was or are in prison now to wearing American Eagle, riding in Chargers, and serving our country. If there was such an award for Homeboy of the Year 2010, you should definitely get a nomination.

Next I wanna congratulate all the college students who graduated. There's a few people I am close to or was close to that have accomplished something I am mere months away from doing. This list starts with my sister Jomika, she recently got her Master's degree in education and I truly believe that she will eventually accomplish her goal to being a college professor. Next I want to congratulate Shannon or "Mama Shannon" and Chase for earning their degrees and getting out of college. Shannon is a artist who I believe whose works of art will be influential and impact many people's lives while Chase is striving to be a teacher who makes all other professions possible. One of the most important people in my life graduation from the WU! Jadran, you know I couldn't leave you out. My homeboy Jai graduated an IMC major and I know he will impact the world and reach many audiences with his logical and innovative advertising. Peaches congratulations to you too and I hope you are ready for the path you are embarking on. You are in my prayers. And Ryan, wherever you end up, I know you are going to be doing some major things and making huge moves. Just don't forget about me! Again congratulations to all the college grads.

Now I want to congratulate the High School graduates that I know. Starting with my lil Sister Quiana, have fun at Johnson and Wales and stay out of trouble. Georgio I hope to see you on the wrestling team at Limestone soon. And finally all of class of 2010 and the classes that preceded and will recede that class, good luck and congratulations, BUT y'all will never be on the same level as class of 2006!

Finally I want to congratulate all those I have forgotten. If you accomplished something and you're mad I didn't show you any love, get over it and maybe next time I will get an invitation or a phone call!

I know reading this blog is an AWE moment for some and a total waste of time for others but I had to express my love and appreciation for those who deserve it. But like I stated earlier, I am not too far from accomplishing one of my life's goals which is to graduate from college. Jason and Sam we will be on a different level around this time in 2011! And Johnathan your turn will come in 2013. I love all of you and y'all are all an influential impact on my life. Being able to be friends or family with you all is one of my best accomplishments...

Heart's War

In battle, there are opposing sides that are fighting for reasons that could be similar or totally opposite. But the point is that they are engaged in a fight. Most fights has one side versus the other side. One example is in sports, like Carolina Panthers versus New England Patriots or Los Angeles Lakers versus Charlotte Bobcats. Most examples are external and causes physical harm, but what about internal battles? Most battles that occur internally cause more long term damage than those that are external. One of the oldest wars that everyone will experience is internal and pumps blood all over the body, although blood is essential for living for both humans and vampires, so is the heart's other important function. The heart's other function is to love. The war does not begin when you love somebody or fall in love with somebody, the war begins when it is hard to distinguish luv from love.

Luv?

Besides being spelled funny, this word is powerful and inflicts alot of damage like it's counterpart. Luv, in my honest opinion is another way to say "like" or "lust". I used this word in my younger days when I could have been considered a hoe or player but this word is like the placebo of the actual drug. When someone says they "luv" you then they are unsure or confused or at war within their heart. Or a more real reason to use this word is to get what you want. And what you want may be money, cars, clothes, sex, or what ever tickles your g-spot. When a person says they "luv" you, be careful because they could be treating you like a HOE! No disrespect to anyone who has been fooled by the meaning of this word. I, myself have been fooled and found myself heartbroken and discouraged, but it happens to any and everyone once in their life. Once you experience this feeling, you feel high, anxious, and incredible until you realize that the experience you are feeling is just a momentary rush like caffeine or a 5hr energy shot. This feeling only lasts long enough to allow you to know it effected you in some way. Then you crash and feel neglected and used. Although confusion is a symptom that carries over also, you learn from this mistake, but "luv" comes in different forms, words, and actions. So prepare to be fooled once again until you cross enemy lines and join the other team.

Love?

This is the real deal if you actually feel it and mean it. Many people rank themselves and their relationship as being fueled by this one word. The funny thing about this emotion is that it is rare to come by. For example, I will admit that I have been in love 2 times in my life. The first time with someone who eventually let me down and disappointed me. The other, I am currently happy and really love her more and more as the days go by. This kinda emotion is considered "real" because it not only affects your heart, but other aspects of your well-being is directly affected by this emotion. If you truly are in Love, then you cannot go a moment without the person you share this emotion with. In other words, you cannot eat, sleep, function, or think right without this person by your side or within close contact. I am speaking from past and current experiences. Unlike its counterpart, this drug is highly addictive and not close to a placebo. To lose this emotion in its rawest form can result in malfunctioning. For example, when my first love left my life, i couldn't eat, sleep, play, or think about ever going through that roller coaster ride again. The one emotion that brings limitless happiness and a feeling of wholeness can leave you distraught, confused, and empty. The hardest part is forgetting and living again without that person, but once you achieve that, then you change and become a new person. Your perception of life is altered and you end up finding yourself in pursuit of someone totally different than what you had before. This side of the battlefield hosts many casualties but if you can endure and live to fight another day, then victory is not far from your grasps.

Luv versus Love

The body goes through so many battles daily that when luv or love is presented, then usually most of our guards are already down. When you luv somebody or something, it usually is followed by car, money, sex, a type of food, or what ever excites you physically. In other words, luv is based off a more physical longing or likeness. While love attaches itself with people, hearts, minds, friendships, and emotions. Love is mainly based off of a more internal longing for completeness. Both are emotions that causes a major conflict within the human body. Its a war between what you want or desire versus what you actually need. I used to be on the battlefield trying to figure out who or what I luved or loved and I concluded that I luv earthly objects such as shoes, my car, or my television, while I love rarer objects such as a companionship, friendship, and family. The battle between luv and love dictates lives and affects futures. Like I mentioned earlier, Luv is the placebo while Love is the actual drug and in many wars, the opposing side uses similar tactics which confuses alot of people. Next time you are in conflict within your heart, be sure you are fighting on the right side because you could end up fighting in Heart's War for the rest of your life all alone...

Reaction Retraction

My prior blog post titled, "Personification of 'Steve'" really showed me exactly why everyone, besides myself, needs to blog. Most people who have already caught up to the current year and have started blogging can be a witness to the effect blogging has on the psyche, heart, and soul. Blogging, in my opinion, is a way to vent and let out your frustration, inner feelings, news, or just to pass the time by. My prior blog that I mentioned earlier was a prime example of how blogging is a peaceful way to let loose and to let what cannot be said in the presence of others be written down. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to write whenever I have time to do it. But that's another totally different subject. Again, my blog post titled, "Personification of 'Steve'" was my best post but also considered my worst.

It was my best because I used what i love to do and mixed it with exactly what a blog is used for, which is to speak one's mind. That blog post was raw, uncut, uncensored, and just plain out real. I let my anger out into words, each single letter was my way of fighting. I threw fists with each completed sentence and topped it off with kicks and jabs with each period and double space. But like most fights, there are usually some casualties and in this instance, it was my reasons for writing. This leads to exactly why my prior blog was my worst.

My prior blog post was my worst because I turned something I loved into a mockery of someone. Although blogs can be a peaceful way to vent without getting too physical, some blog's content can be as effective as fighting which, in my opinion, is the same as throwing the first punch. Maybe I was too raw, too uncut, too uncensored or just plain out too real? Or maybe I was angry and the only way I could get my anger out was to write. What I wrote, I wrote out of anger and I could have been a bit rash. I am not apologizing in no way because these feelings came from somewhere and they somehow made it on paper. My prior blog was my best, yet my worst because I played the hero for those scared to speak their true feelings, but I hurt somebody out of revenge.

Honestly, I felt justified for my prior blog post but the more I read it, the more ashamed I became. Shame?! Yes, shame that I used what I loved doing to hurt people. The main reason I got into writing is kind of petty but admirable at the same time. Clark Kent(or Superman) was a reporter/hero who wrote articles and saved lives. I view myself as a protege to his philosophies except I do not have super strength, laser eyes, or faster than a speeding bullet. But what I do have is super strong morals, laser typing skills, and I am faster than a speeding bullet when someone is in need. This really is not a retraction but its my reaction to my actions that made me feel a little bit less Super. But a part of becoming Super is realizing that you aren't Super at all. In fact, becoming Super starts off when you realize that you are human and not mistake free.....Especially when you blog!

The Personification of "Steve"

You all remember when I started my blog and I specifically said that I was gonna blog about some things that would make you love me and some that were gonna make you hate me. Well this is not a blog to make "You" all hate me or despise me, but this is more personal and I am singling out one type of person. Bear with me because I usually do not put my business out where just anyone can see or read, but like i said, this is personal.

First off, I do not mind people using my name or talking about me, that is kinda what haters do. Being a hater is a tough job that doesn't have too many benefits and it does get tough watching someone enough to find stuff to hate on, especially me. Besides that, this specific hater's name will be "Steve". "Steve" did more than hate on me, "Steve" stalked me and someone I care about. The first mistake "Steve" made was including the person I care about in his beef with me. Second, he made something minor and meaningless into something personal. And finally, "Steve" pissed me off.

I know everyone is thinking who exactly is this "Steve"? Well... let's say "Steve" is naive, pale, skinny, nerdy, and stupid. "Steve" not only spends hours on the Internet stalking myself, people I care about, and girls named Samantha, but he spends his hard earned money looking for love on websites like E-harmony and Match.com. The funny thing about "Steve" is that he couldn't buy affection from a girl standing in front of him or on the street corner, not alone on the Internet. But do not feel bad for "Steve", because he finds love in toys like Bionicle and video games like Kingdom Hearts. His love for games and toys has lead him towards the life of solitude and lifelong masturbation. "Steve" has seen better days but not like the days he cried because he said some racists comments at a party or the day the girl he's obsessed over for months dissed him or the days girls who were obviously out of his league and did not even know he was alive tragically broke is boney little heart. "Steve"'s best day came when he finally decided to muster enough courage to stand up to someone, but his best day was not experienced too long because he chose to stand up to me... That's a little bit about "Steve"

I have a personal message for you, "Steve", if you are reading this... Well you stalk me on a daily basis so of course you are reading this. But the best mistake you made was talking about me because I really do not care what you think of me or how much u keep saying how much I have changed. Homeboy maybe your biggest problem with me is that you are envious because, although you have the courage to belittle me behind my back, you still are not brave enough to change your life. Leaving a town or a state or changing your basic surroundings does not compensate for the tragic, despicable life you live. I do not understand you at all, you say you have changed but why do you still wear the same clothes from elementary school? Homeboy, no one wears shorts above the knees unless they have female genitalia. And no one wears Bionicle t-shirts unless they are nerdy and spend nights living in imagination land. Also stop fusing about how your life was ruined by other people. The main thing about your life is that is belongs to you, so its no one Else's fault that your life has not turned out how u wanted it to. Instead of blaming other people, look in the mirror and change yourself. My advice is to stop dressing like a man that shops at baby GAP for Nerds, stop whining and man-up!, stop chasing women that do not want you, and finally do not stalk people's loved ones!

Finally, "Steve" your worst mistake was stalking one of my loved ones, like my girlfriend, and finding out where she lives in correlation to girls named Samantha. Like I been stressing throughout this blog post, I do not care that you stalked me or talked about me, but when you included my girlfriend and her personal information, you crossed a line. You was one of my oldest friends and someone I considered my brother, but I guess you chose to be the rogue and disassociate yourself from me and the type of group I hang with. I hate to think all of this was because of your idiotic, schoolboy obsession over a certain girl. I will say this one time! I do not want her, never wanted her, and probably will not want her anytime soon so you need figure exactly what you have against me. Next time you think about looking at my girlfriend's personal information or anything that deals with her personally come back and read this blog. If that is too hard, you know how to find me in other ways.

That is all for now about my personal message to "Steve".


"Steve" is no one important, actually "Steve" does not exist. He, For the time being, will just be a personification of someone who used to be my best friend a long time ago. Someone who got stupid and brave at the wrong time.

Grand Theft Auto

The title says it all but this post is not going to be about a video game at all. Actually the title is a symbol of how I would like for people in the state of South Carolina to drive. I refrain from insulting this state and narrow the my focus on this little town called Gaffney.

Every morning when I am driving to school I usually go about 5-10 miles over the speed limit just to make it to class on time. Lol maybe my noticeable speeding habit would not be so bad if i would sacrifice those 15mins of extra sleep to actually getting ready for class. But that is way besides the point and also this blog is written by me so I'm not gonna blame myself lol. Anyway, I usually be doing great and my mood is calm until somebody;s grandma, grandpa, cousin, sister, mother, brother, or whoever decides to turn in front of me. The turning in front of me is never the problem, but when they make me break my speed by going 5 miles under the limit results in various effects.

One effect is that I end up late for class! Then like most college professors, if you come creeping in late to their class then they find a smug, smart ass comment just to let you know something that is so obvious. Here is some advice to teachers and professors: We know we are late so quit reminding us.

Another effect is that I cuss and get angry. Most people would consider I need anger management or I have road rage, but I think it is good to let the stress and tension out or it could ruin your whole day.

Finally and most importantly the effect that this person's horrendous driving has on my peaceful chill moment. I'm the type of person who finds driving a major stress reliever and a great time to think about the week, love, finances, family, and life in general. This is usually disrupted by more than like some body's family member who got their license using the Model-T Ford or when all we had was dirt roads.

In conclusion, I chose this title not because someone stole my car or ran from the police using jet packs and helicopters. I chose this title because these horrendous drivers are usually old which in my opinion an old person is deemed as, "grand". Then their driving skills can be considered as, "theft-ing" the road from myself and other drivers who actually do more than eat breakfast then wait on Price is Right to come on. And "auto" is common sense. So I conclude encouraging my generation to get their grandparents, aunt, sister, mother, cousin, niece's mama, or whoever in their that cannot drive worth a damn off the road so I can get to class!

Reset

Over the past 2 maybe 3 weeks, I have been doing alot of erasing and forgetting. In other words, I started to reset my life and the people in it. I know you are thinking wtf, but I felt like that it needed to be done because most of the people in my life are bringing me down or they aren't worth the time or trouble. The resetting process had 3 phases so if you would like to take notes, this is the best time to get your paper and pen...

First, I changed my cell phone number. I have had the same number for about 8 years and changing my number was hard but it had to be done. When I changed my number, I gave the new number out to only the people in my life that were either my friends, family, or people that were important to me. So in other words, if they was a hoe or wasn't worth my time, they got erased from my phonebook and life.

Second, I disassociated myself with people who were negative or was not doing anything with their life. I used to associate with negative people who brought others down along with myself. I got rid of the gossippers, back stabbers, liars, cheaters, and deadbeats. I felt like my life did not have room for these types of people so I erased them. The people who were not doing anything with their life, were the people I reached out to with a helping hand, but they rejected help and even went so far to try to use me. Again, I cannot help people who does not have the desire to help themselves. In other words, if you cannot help yourself, I cannot help you, so they got erased too.

Third, I got rid of the deadbeat friends. Friends that ignore phone calls, texts, email, or any type of reaching out I went out of my way to do, are now and will be considered dead to me. I cannot have people in my life that do not wanna be there so I'm giving up on reaching out. In other words, If you cannot simply send a text, phone call, or keep rejecting invites, then you are not worth keeping. I have friends that ignore me or come up with repeated excuses why they cannot hang out so I'm done trying. There are definitely better people who are worth my efforts. So to all my deadbeat friends, you are erased.

I may seem a lil cold but I had to reset my life and the people in it. This post mainly explains the people in my life that are now dead and gone but getting rid of them is the beginning process of changing myself. For example, I had like 30 girls numbers in my phone who were potential girlfriends or just hoes. I sorted through the names and numbers and now I'm down to 5 numbers. I kept the girls who I believe are good girls or have potential to be good. The process of resetting everything in your life is hard and stressful but starting over and re-doing everything is an experience worth the pain. Right now I have no potential girlfriends or no one to call my own, especially after I erased so many numbers. As a result, I have had alot of time to just sit alone with myself and recollect and re-evaluate my life thus far. In other words, resetting my life has allowed me to re-familiarize with myself. I am gaining an identity and appreciating everything about myself and those around me. My life is reset but I have a feeling that my life is going to be a god life.

What's To Come?

Now that I have decided to blog again, I have so many ideas running through my mind. First off, I will try to post at least 1 new blog every week. Second, I will try not to be boring. And finally, I encourage comments because I want to argue... I used to be an aspiring journalist and arguments are my passion so when you see the opportunity, argue!

Something else new I am thinking about doing is posting a weekly series about a non-fictional character. Of course this character will be based off people I know or have encountered. The point of having a weekly series is to help others realize that the same shit they are going through is universal with everybody. Also I want people to understand me a little bit better and I feel like the weekly series will help me accomplish that.

Next week, I start my weekly series and I will post a personal blog!... Besides all of that, keep an eye out for my blog because thing are about to get interesting and fun!

8 Month Absence

The past 8 months have been interesting... I mean so much has changed in my life and I guess I have a few explanation for my absence.

First, I transferred from Winthrop for various reason but the main reason for leaving is because I needed change. I'm not saying I outgrew Winthrop or I despise the great university, but I felt like I belonged somewhere else. And I will admit I miss all my friends, professors, and all those who have become a part of my family. I have mad love for you all and for Winthrop. I will always be an Eagle although I'm a adopted Limestone Saint. I will watch my Eagle every chance I get especially when they are in the NCAA basketball tournaments.

Second, I moved back home after a 3-year hiatus simply for financial reasons. I have always considered myself a mama's boy but I'm not that bad off. I moved back home in order to work, earn my own money so I wouldn't have to be constantly worrying about money. Also helping out my family financially is a plus.

Finally, I been absent for so long because I have not felt comfortable blogging. It sounds crazy but I felt like I let so many of my friends and family down by abruptly leaving Winthrop. But I have grown since then and realize that I am happy and thats all that matters. I am a Limestone Saint physically, but I am an Eagle mentally and spiritually. My heart will always be at Winthrop and that is one reason why I am planning on attending graduate school there.

Epiphany...

I had an epiphany...

Imagine if the whole syllabus situation was reversed? I know you are thinking wtf? But let me explain where I am going with this:

Imagine if, instead of the professor just giving us their class syllabus, we give the professor our own personal syllabus. This idea popped into my head when I had a week where I had 2 papers due, a presentation, and a test all in one week. Being a student is already hard enough so I believe that the students should give their professors their own personal syllabus. When I say "own personal" syllabus, I do not mean that we schedule in our personal activities such as, dates, playing ball, or going out to the mall. I mean that we, the student, makes our professors aware of what we have due and what is going on in our corresponding classes.

I believe this would help the student tremendously, knowing that their big paper is not due until he or she finishes their presentation. This proposal will help relieve stress, gpa's will increase, and the student and professor will have a less strenuous relationship. So both sides win no matter what. The only negative is that both sides will be required to do more work and possibly have more class time. I believe that staying in class an extra 30 minutes or having an extra session a week is worth having a stress free and higher performance collegiate career.

And again this is just an epiphany...

Letting GO!

Recently I have noticed that people have a hard time of letting things or people go. I understand that it can be hard to let go. I had a hard time letting go of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Power Rangers, and my Superman tighty whiteys but I did. Those are just example of how letting go can be an embarrassment.

The theme of letting go came today because I had to let someone go. The main reason I let her go was so we both can be happy and live. Another factor was that her parents did not like me and it was stressing both of us seeing each other sparingly. The only thing that prolonged both our pain was love. I am not the soft hearted or Romeo type of guy but this girl made me fall and I had her loving me too. I was walking back from one of my classes today and heard a song that inspired me. The song was by J. Holiday song titled, "Fly". All I basically did was man up and made the decision to let someone, whom I truly cared about and possibly could have spent my whole life with, go. Letting go is a sign of maturity and understanding. I understood the situation was tough on both of us so I made the decision because we both knew that neither one of us was willing to let the other person go.
Another situation that happened recently to someone I am close to. He faced a dilemma to choose 2 great girls. I am not going to give away any names or clues to who it is but I can say it is not me. Anyway, the situation escalated to the point where my friend had to make a decision. In other words he had to hurt someone and break their heart. As we all know, boys are indecisive and cannot make a concrete decision. So with that being said, my friend chose one girl but kept going back and forth between the two until he had to make a decision or lose them both. He broke one person's heart but healed another heart. He has undergone a change and has even matured.
Letting go has been my whole theme for today because also in life, you must let people or things, that are hindering you, go in order to grow.
This growth could be translated into new found happiness or possibly finding something better to take the place of what u let go. My examples of letting go dealt with emotions but there are numerous other "letting go" situations. So today I challenge you to re-evaluate your life and figure out who/what is holding you back from being the best you can be.