Moment of Weakness

I laid in bed last night reminiscing past relationships and ex girlfriends, not to mention old friends I do not consider friends anymore. My life has been full of much happiness but when happiness shines its brightest, darkness tends to cast its shadow to dim that only glimmer of sanity you know. In this case, my happiness was the love and affection I felt when I was in relationships, holding my ex girlfriends close to me, or when I spent time with old friends...

Like the prelude before, when your light shines its brightest, something dims it to the point where you are on the edge of insanity...

My happiness, in a shorter definition was love. I gave, lost, and was stolen from many times before by many people who I loved and thought truly loved me. These moments are what keeps me up late at nights thinking about who or where I am going. I am starting to feel numb in the one place where my happiness is produced, and that is in my heart. I am a believer that with each relationship you give a piece of yourself to someone and when that relationship fails, then that piece you gave to your significant other, is split down the middle one for you and one for him/her...

Simple division has never been so easy but painful at the same time...

As that one piece you continually give to your friends and lovers, even your family, gradually divides in 2, you are left with a huge hole and even less to give to the next person after. Eventually, giving up on love becomes a viable option because you are at the point where you have nothing to feel. In other words, you become numb to emotions. Its these moments where I have felt my weakest, I am left with my guard down, my heart defenseless on the front lines, and my emotions retreat...

After realizing this last night, I came to the realization that I refuse to have another moment of weakness...

The moments where I felt invincible, untouchable, and happiest, ended up being moments where I felt helpless, stupid, and hurt. Growing up I always believed that love would never betray me or steer me wrong as long as I kept faith, but as I lay in bed every night I will look beside me and see the emptiness that surrounds me as a reminder that I once showed weakness and trusted in love...

And as a result, I will avoid moments of weakness until someone is strong enough to remove the shadow that dims my light...