24

24 is a number. 24 is the total number of hours in a single day. 24 is a date in a month, its in every month without fail. 24 used to be a title of a hit television series. 24 is a persons age or lifespan. 24 is much more than a number to me now. 24 represents a moment where I realized who sincerely cared about me and where I tested everyone in my life. And the bad news is, more than half of you failed! Failed not only my test but failed at being there for more than just a birthday, but a celebration of my life.

Most of the people in my life, I have been there for and busted my ass for each and everyone of you in more than one incident. And the good people in my life has returned the favor but I'm not keeping count or keeping a record of who's there for me or who's not there. But I am remembering all the excuses, lies, and let downs each and everyone has made me experience. If you have not figured it out yet, 24 represents my age which represents my life. 

Let me backtrack and explain why I am angry... No, I'm too old to be angry, why I'm disappointed. First, I spent time, effort, and money inviting people to share and experience my birthday. The number of people I invited ranged between 20-30 people total and not even half of that number showed up. I had maybe 5 or 6 people show up and celebrate my birthday. For all of those who took time out of their day to be here physically I am sincerely thankful and I appreciate your effort. Best believe I will return that same effort and time you put into me and my day! 

I understand some people live miles away and wasn't able to make it, you're excused and I understand. But I had some people say they were coming and the day of backed out on me which utterly pissed me off. If you're reading this and texting or calling me and not getting a response. That means you're dead to me, lose my number, fuck you! For those who said they didn't have money or time to come out or to say it was short notice, I call bullshit and lies. If a person has at least a months notice and still epically fails to show any type of support, you're dead to me!

To everyone else who really had a legitimate reason and/or sent me birthday wishes, Thank you I appreciate it. To those who made no effort to come out or wish me happy birthday, fuck you...you're dead to me!

Second reason I am utterly disappointed about the lack of support for my birthday is the symbolism of a person's birthday. A birthday is exactly what it suggests, its a day of birth for that particular person. In other words, its a celebration of a person's life. I feel like if you make excuses, lie, or not even attempt to show any type of support for my life then why the hell would you be at my funeral. Yes, my funeral, the celebration of my death. Why should I expect people who consider themselves my "friends" to be there when I die if they couldn't be there while I was living.

Final reason I am disappointed is because I have to re-evaluate friends & family. Meaning some people will be fired or let go. 24 also represents change in my life. So I have to make some personnel changes in the near future. 

To all those who texted, called, facebooked me, or shared my birthday I am thankful. To those who didn't do any of that I'm done with supporting you and being there for you. I refuse to be used anymore.

Sorry Carrie but I have to mention you here but I'm not cutting those who I have deep ties with over not being a "good" friend on my birthday. Instead, I am not putting forth as much effort towards you or your life anymore. Believe me, those who I am disappointed in will notice my lack of presence before too long. Also there's really no making it up to me, I have a full year to reminisce and remember how I was neglected and forgotten when I was 24.

A Year...& Few Months Later- Part 2

Last Time on Love/Hate Blog...

I vented about my relationships of 2011 and it felt great releasing alot of pinned up lies and feeling about certain people. I tried not to call many people out and I think I did a great job at it. Also in my prior post, I talked about how my life changed for not only the better but I pointed out some things I hoped and wished to change this year, 2012. From there I left everyone hanging and salivating at the mouth readily waiting for this post.  This is the moment you guys have waited on and waited on so now without further ado here's Part Dos(that means 2 in espanol(Spanish)) "A Year...& Few Month Later"


All in all my life is pretty good. I'm not saying its perfect or I don't have any worries but I do believe all the choices I have made this year were all the right ones. I wouldn't go back and change them for the world. Not only has this past year been a period of good and bad for myself but my friends and family have experienced alot in the smooth but turbulent year we call 2011... 

2011 began where 2010 ended with love in the air and the change happening everywhere. Change is usually good but sometimes to have change, you have to experience some bad. Its like getting your teeth pulled in the instance that you have a rotten tooth. The decaying tooth is not good for you and getting it pulled is seen as change that's needed. Without this change occurring, then it affects the other teeth in your mouth and eventually your health. Resulting in more pain that was initially needed. After getting your tooth pulled and experiencing pain, you and your mouth are better for going through that moment of discomfort. 

I hope everyone sort of understood that example of how change in the end is usually good but you have to go through some discomfort to ultimately realize your true happiness. 

Moving along, I have decided to blog about 4 people in my life that experienced changes in 2011. Although some of their changes was like getting their eye surgically removed without any type of anaesthetic, they are better and ready to continue further growth in 2012.

First 

I want to talk about my older brother Joshua. His life changed tremendously when I moved to Charlotte back in August. Instead of telling me no and rejecting my point of view about being roommates, he welcomed me with open arms and showed me the city. For that I, no words can express how much it meant to me to have someone like him not only as my older brother but as one of my closest friends.

Joshua's life seems awesome from my point of view. He has an awesome job, smart as hell, but sometimes quirky and annoying. I see him doing great things this year and I hope to help him excel. When my family is doing great then my job is complete. Besides, I know he would help me any way possible. With that being said, that makes me and him an unstoppable team! So before the end of 2012, not only look out for me, but Joshua is on his way to ascension!

Second

JADRAN!!!! Yes Jai(aka Jadran) I am giving you a shout out on Love/Hate so don't sue my ass if I say anything wrong. I promise I will keep it PG just for you.

Me and Jai have been homeboys since freshman year at Winthrop. But it wasn't until my sophomore year where my homeboy turned into my 2nd brother. Well technically my 3rd brother because I have a little brother. But all of you got the picture. I still remember back in 2007, when me and him became roommates, one of our first conversations was about Ramen noodles and their proper name. I still call them "oodles of noodles" but I can bet anyone $100 that he still calls them Ramen. Also that same year, I remember him waking up singing "No One" by Alicia Keys while ironing his clothes. I laid in my bed sleep and honestly he sung that song so good, I thought I was front row at one of her concerts. 

Now back to the present... Jai has achieved so much since our time at Winthrop sometimes I use him as a goal I want to achieve. In other words, I want to get to that "Jai" in life. In 2011, he not only started that year as a college grad, but he did it as a black man which is already hard in today's society. He has set the standard and set the bar high for myself and many other people(not just black people). In 2011, Jai got himself a great job, doing what he loves(I hope), and he's moving so fast that I may never catch up with him but as long as I have someone to chase then I will continue to grow and be better. Jai, my homeboy, you better get ready because you have rival. Its like I'm Rocky Balboa and you're Apollo Crede. Before this move is over, I'm going to be on top looking down at you*no homo* with my hand held high!

Third

Mama Shannon, I think I never understood why I labeled you "Mama" but sometimes your actions explained it enough. All those party nights in "the basement" reminded me of episodes of That 70's Show. So much was said and done in "the basement" but every time I passed out on your couch or face down in your toilet, you came and checked on me. You gave me water while I was drunk or put a cover on me when I was passed out on your couch. In my book, you took care of me like a mama does her son. You have continued to fulfill the title of "mama" throughout the years and I am truly grateful that I met you. Now I will stop harping. 


2011 started off great for you. You had a fiance', college degree, and your life was starting to come together. But with everything good coming to light, a shadow was cast from the light and with it came a few lows. The continuing drama with let's say alias' "LO" and "AM" continued and people's true intentions came out. LO came off as a liar and I took your side from day one. I don't like neutrality because it shows wavering faith in whatever the issue is. I don't want to get into the details of you and LO's fallout but it had to happen. Although you and LO were like sisters, you and AM were even closer. One thing you have firmly believed in is not to let a penis separate friendships but AM did that. If LO could do that, I'm sure she would have went with the sausage too. Except her sausage wouldn't have been cocaine filled and smelled like marijuana, instead it would have been fat. In the end though, you lost 2 close friends and I'm sure it hurt but sometimes in life you have to go through hell to get to heaven. 


Shannon, although your 2011 can be seen as a roller coaster ride, you ended the year on one hell of a high note. The climax of your roller coaster surpassed Mount Everest in how high you ended the year. You got married!!!


Its funny that college changes people's lives for the better. Too bad LO may never find that out & if she does, she may have to take the bus to get there... Anyway moving on... While in college, from what you told me, you met your future/current husband Mat. Hopefully you two didn't meet at a strip club. And if you two did, I wonder who was on the pole?


Back to getting married...


I was glad to take part in you and Mat's special day and if I had to change anything about it, I would change nothing. You have experienced something I only imagined experiencing and hope to experience in a few years! Hope to see you there! In conclusion, Shannon, you and PAPA Mat are 2 awesome people together but separate, y'all are just average. So stay together please because I admire what you two have so keep it going and make me a nephew by 2013!


Fourth

Luanne or Samantha, you know I couldn't forget about you. When I went through the phase of losing one of my closest friends, you lost him too. But its life and life moves on. Ever since day one, you have been my homegirl and 2011 just proved that you're more than just my homegirl, you moved into the sister category. I must admit that you're one girl that is down to hang out, catch a movie, or just to talk to when no one else is around. Your 2011 started with you in the classroom busting your ass to graduate. At least we all know that all your hard hard work paid off by the end of the year. More on that in a few...

You have changed so much since I first met you. You were shy, conservative, and scary. Now being around me and other people, you have almost master the art of being a smart ass, your opening up more in various aspects, and your confidence is slowly heightening. You went from Lil Smurfette to Lil Smurfette with swagg! Not only with swag but as of this past December you got your degree in education which takes a special to achieve that level and to move on to being a teacher. So 2011 ended great for you and if its a precursor to 2012 then I cannot wait to see how Ms. Samantha's classroom looks. I also cannot wait to see how much of an impact you have on young people's life. Don't tell them about all the horrible thing I've done, you may end up teaching my son one day! 

Side Note

There are so many other people in my life who I could have blogged about but these 4 people are extremely close to my heart and I converse with them all weekly sometimes daily. 

Side note to Jai, you really have to learn to text me back sometimes. I'm not an ex girlfriend or a baby mama wanting child support. Text me back sometimes!

Samantha, you need to start find out from the Rogaine people if they found out a way to not only grow hair but to grow people too.


Shannon, one thing I will truly miss commenting about, when you were single, is "the booty". You're the only girl who's butt has its own persona. 


Josh, sometimes you annoy me but I know I can be an asshole and smart ass so I won't even mess with you on here.


Conclusion

2011 had the common theme of change for everyone in society. Ranging from my friends all the way to my family, change has happened to us all. It really depends on how each individual handled this change that determined if the change was a positive or negative experience. So to finally end this 2-part blog I have one piece of advice...

"Change is essential for a prosperous future, but without change there is no hope for a future" -B. Sarratt