This is not a rip off of Adam Lambert's, "Whataya Want From Me" but the whole song did inspire my inner conflict. I listened to this song repeatedly for an hour and kept wondering why I loved it so much. I finally figured it out why this song stuck in my head, its because it reminds me of myself.
I may seem happy on the outside, but honestly... I am really in a state of confusion that I can cannot pull myself from this time...
I honestly believe no one can rescue me from myself. My friends, family, and others who generally care about cannot say or do anything to help me or ease this internal pain I am experiencing. The pain I am feeling has nothing to do with actual pain, instead, the pain I am feeling is emptiness. An emptiness that consists of regret and unhappiness with myself and my life. I am free falling and honestly, I do not know if I am going to hit rock bottom or continue to fall even further...
I am at war with myself...
Where did all this root from? I really do not know but I have been thinking about my life and where it has been and where it is going. For starters, my life has been on a never ending ride beginning in reality where everything was normal and real. I traveled from reality to paradise where I had love in my life, I felt fulfillment, and I felt important. All the way to an internal purgatory where I continue to burn myself with doubts and "what ifs".
From reality to happiness to my own internal hell, I experienced alot but still learned nothing...
My life thus far has been filled with experiences ranging from me losing loved ones or almost being a daddy all the way to the moments where I smile just at the thought of being alone. Through everything I have been through, I still learned nothing about myself or the direction I am going. I do not know what I want in life or where I want my life to head so I am continuing to walk this road alone just to see where it all will end. Will I make a difference in this world or will I live the kind of life wondering what could have been?
Maybe one day I will solve the paradoxical question... What Do I Want from Me?
Sometime life can just be very overwhelming. You know how they say the cup is half full...sometimes it overflows and it just creates a lot of mess and in the end you end up spilling all thats in the cup so your left feeling empty. It just will take time for it to slowly fill back up. Just have faith and realize it will get worked out. And we( fam/friends) are here for you to help you when you need.
ReplyDeleteThank you... I just feel like i may be going thru a transitional phase and I may be evolving. And like most people, change frightens me.
ReplyDelete